


Life Is Pain

by The_Fennec_Wolf



Category: Shield of Tomorrow (Webseries)
Genre: (In which I write fanfic on the Aux Crew of the USS Sally Ride), Alien/Human Relationships, Canon-Typical Violence, F/F, F/M, Mentions of Blood, Multi, USS Sally Ride
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2018-02-19
Updated: 2018-02-19
Packaged: 2019-03-21 04:34:15
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,380
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/13733247
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/The_Fennec_Wolf/pseuds/The_Fennec_Wolf
Summary: Verdandi "Verdi" Fillian has learned that life is pain.Or a series of drabbles based off of my Aux Crew character from Shield of Tomorrow. (Spoilers for latest episode)





	Life Is Pain

The first time she feels pain is when she is three. She’s running through the fields of her family’s farm with their collie, Dover, beside her. The three year old doesn’t see the hole in front of her and tripped. She isn’t aware that her jaw has enough force when it bites down to cut her tongue and lip. All she remembered is the hot prickly sting of the cut and then how her blood welled up to fill her mouth before spilling out to dribble down her chin. She was sure that their neighbors (who were a mile away) could hear her screams as she ran back to her home. 

Her mother, Delphine, ran out the moment she heard her and pulled her into her arms. She didn’t struggle as her mother carried her into the house, screaming for her other mother. The young girl remembered her ma, Zoe, healing her wounds and holding her in a group hug. But what she truly remembered most about what happened, is how she realized that even your home isn’t truly safe. 

 

\------ 

The next time she feels pain is when she was seven. It was her first day of First Grade and she was assigned to Ms. Niffle’s class, a young Betazoid who had dark hair and a kind smile. Ms. Niffle had sent them out to recess and Verdi was playing tag with a few of her classmates. As she’s running, she noticed two boys ganging up on another child, pushing them around. With a frown, she jogged over, hearing the boy’s insulting the smaller girl that was between them. 

“You run into a door you freak?!” One of the boys yelled, gesturing to the ridges across the young girl’s nose. 

“Yeah, and what’s with that stupid earing? You’re suppose to have two, you daft twit!” The other continued as he pushed her to the ground. 

“Hey! Leave her alone you tossers!” She shouted as the seven year old stormed over to them, grateful that her moms weren’t there to hear her use bad words. 

“Get lost, shrimpie! This freak needs to learn her place.” The leader grunted before shoving the small Bajoran (as she’d later learn) to the ground. Verdi growled before lunging. According to the yard duty who ended the fight, she’d managed to bloody up the leader’s lip before she ended up with a black eye and split lip. 

She sat in the office, crossing her arms, trying to appear tough as her mother’s talked with the principal. While she waited, she watched as the little Bajoran girl came out of the nurse’s office. Shyly, she waved to her and got a wave back as the other girl came over. 

“T-th-thank you.” The Bajoran stuttered as Verdi waved it off. 

“They deserved it. They were being meanies.” She explained before holding out her bruised hand. “ I’m Verdi Fillian.” Verdi said with a smile. 

“ I-I-I’m Kira Zaar” Kira managed to get out and shook her hand. It was then Verdi learned that sometimes pain can be a good thing, especially if it meant helping someone. 

\-----   
Her next lesson with pain came when she was thirteen. The teenager had moved to San Francisco with her family so her ma could teach at Starfleet Academy. Verdi had come to embrace San Francisco and fell in love with everything the city had to offer. It wasn’t surprising that as she grew, she found herself falling in love for the first time. 

It was a girl in her Federation History class, a blonde girl with hazel eyes named Rachel. The two of them had become close, often seen around their school campus together, laughing at their own inside jokes. She realized that she had started to like Rachel like her mom talked about feeling for her ma. It took the teen a while to build up her courage but she was finally able to tell Rachel how she felt at a party. 

“I..I really like you.” Verdi managed to stutter out over the loud music as her heart skipped a beat. 

“I like you too!” Rachel yelled over the music flashing a dazzling smile to the other team. Feeling a surge of courage, she leaned forward pressing her lips against the other girl’s. Verdi felt her heart sink as hands scrambled against her chest before pushing her back. Her eyes stung with tears as Rachel disappeared into the crowd.   
The teen learned that day that words did not always mean what they meant and could cause just as much pain as a punch. 

\-----  
The next time she remembers being in pain is at sixteen. The teenager had ditched school, needing to get out of the confines of the classroom and just roam the city. Beside her, her boyfriend, a Caitilan named T’ras, walked beside her with an arm wrapped loosely around her waist with a content purr. 

Her eyes caught sight of a small shop wedged between two brightly lit store fronts as she tugged T’ras with her. “What?” He managed to get out as she tugs him inside. 

“It’s a tattoo shop!” She nearly squealed in delight as they entered. It wasn’t any tattoo shop, rather one styled in the early 21st century style of tattoos shops with bright art and pictures of tattoos that had been done in the past. T’ras rolled his eyes, not understanding her excitement as she talked to one of the artists. 

“You want to get a tattoo?” The artist asked her with a sly smile that she couldn’t say no to. Her boyfriend bristled at the sound of the ancient tattoo machine coming to life as she sat in a leather chair in her bra and pants. 

“Verdandi…” T’ras tried to speak to her. 

“T’ras, I’m doing this. I love you but shut up.” She stated causing the artist to laugh. Two hours later with her arm tingling in pain, she looked in the mirror to see a rune of protection, done in black ink, standing proudly against her shoulder. Her lesson in pain that day was that pain could define you if you let it. 

\-----  
Her next lesson in pain comes when she is twenty-one. Verdi had just finished up her time at Starfleet Academy, choosing to become an enlisted member of the Fleet, wanting to be out of the Academy and helping people as soon as possible. She had been assigned to the U.S.S. Dracro as a Field Medic for one of their away teams. Both of her mothers had been both nervous and proud at her assignment, wanting their daughter to stay safe. 

Verdi promised that she would do her best to stay safe. Her classes had drilled into her that it was foolish to promise that you wouldn’t die. Every mission could go sideways and death could come at any moment. The field medic scanned around her again, enjoying the beauty of the forest planet her away team was on. With how peaceful it was, she felt as if her Academy classes had lied to her. How much danger could there be on a planet like this?

She shifted and looked over at her away team. The two science crew members were taking samples of the nearby lake and soil while the three security officers were patrolling around the area as well. It was a textbook example of a mission going right. At least it was until a pack of feline like creatures burst from the forest, attacking with a mixture of roars and barking like growls. The medic didn’t remember much, other than cursing and firing at the creatures, trying to keep them away. 

Verdi wasn’t sure how long the battle lasted but finally the creatures were dead. Looking around her, she noticed one of the security officers laying on the ground, screaming as they pressed their hand against a ruined torso. Moving on autopilot, she ran over and began to apply pressure with one hand and using her hypospray in the other. 

“Hey, hey, look at me Petty Officer,” she ordered as she gave him a pain killer in an attempt to deal with his pain. His eyes locked with hers before he spasmed against the ground. Verdi felt bile rising in her throat as she realized he had passed on in front of her. Turning to the side, she lost whatever was in her stomach and tried to regain control of herself. 

It was that day she learned that pain can come from failures too. And it was after that day, she threw herself into training to protect her away team, often walking around with bruises all over her body, ignoring orders to go to sick bay to deal with them. She would learn how to master pain and how to protect the people around her. 

 

\----

When she’s twenty-nine, the ship she’s aboard is attacked and she learns more about pain. Verdi knew sooner or later that the war would affect the U.S.S. Sally Ride. She just didn’t expect it to be so soon. The medic feels the impact hit the starship and bolts into action. Grabbing her medical supplies, she books it towards the bridge, having heard the announcement about the impact. 

It doesn’t take her too long to make it into the bridge, seeing the destruction around her. Cursing, she finds a female human ensign on the floor and kneels next to her carefully turning her over. 

“Hey, hey, Ensign, can you hear me? I need you to open your eyes for me, sweetheart.” Verdi ordered, scanning her to see what was wrong. Her body relaxed a little as she heard the ensign groan in pain and look up at her. 

“That’s it darling, there you go. Can you tell me your name?” She continued to smile, wanting to put her fellow human at ease. 

“E-en-Ensign Hart. Ensign Kara Hart.” Hart told her with a groan, clearly in pain. The medic’s hand pressed against the ensign’s chest as she tried to get up. 

“Easy there, Hart, I’m not done scanning you yet. Give me a few more seconds darling.” Verdi told her gently, finding that other than a few cuts, Hart had some severe second degree burns from the console from exploding and throwing her. Carefully, she helped the other woman up and supported her. 

“Alright, let’s get you to sickbay.” The medic said with a smile as they began to walk. 

“I… I have to help the others.” She heard Hart say and the medic gave her another smile. 

“Let’s get you to sickbay. Me and the other medical officers-” She trailed off, hearing a whine as they passed another console towards the bridge doors. Reacting without a thought, she pushed Hart away from her and through the door as the console imploded in a shower of sparks, heat, and a loud booming noise. The medic felt a scream be ripped from her lungs as sharp pain bloomed in her chest and throat along with her lower torso. 

Verdi felt her eyes roll back in her head as she hit a wall and let darkness claim her, taking away her pain for a moment. 

\---   
The medic didn’t remember much after that. Only that there was more pain and someone with blue skin holding her as they ran somewhere. She could remember grabbing the uniform of the person holding her, trying to command them to go back and help the others. After that, it was darkness until she heard the sound of beeps. Her eyes fluttered open as a familiar face was above hers and whispering her name. 

“Verdi…” She smiled up at the half-Vulcan who uttered her name. 

“Guess...I...should’ve…turned...the holodeck...lower...huh Sin?” Verdi rasped at him, letting out a wet cough. Her hands braced against the bed trying to get herself off of it, remembering that there were others that needed help. She felt, more than saw, Sindal’s hand press against her chest and force her into lying down again. 

“Computer,activate restraints.” Verdi felt the straps bolt her to the bed, keeping her from attempting to get up. She let out another raspy chuckle. 

“Buy..a...girl...a...drink...first.” The medic managed to get out a laugh before grimacing in pain. She tried to hide her fear but knew that he could see it in her eyes. 

“Sin… hurts.” Verdi managed to get out after coughing again. Her body flinched as she felt a needle pierce her skin. 

“Rest now, Petty Officer.” Sindal said in a voice devoid of any emotion, causing her fear to increase. 

“Sin…” Her hand attempted to reach out for him. Verdi felt her eyes struggle to stay open as she reached out for him again. 

“Sindal…” Verdi whispered before darkness took her into its embrace again. 

\---

Darkness wasn’t so dark she discovered as the medic floated in it. There were flashes of light and she found herself watching a memory. The first time she met Sindal on a space station. Her hands twitched feeling old bruises from a holodeck run, fighting against something she couldn’t remember. The medic remembered some small talk, talking with him and another member of the ship before somehow, the memory fast forward. 

She could see the two of them in an observation with stars glittering around them. Her lips tingle as she watches the two of them embrace in a kiss amidst the stars. Verdi can feel herself pulled from the memory, falling through darkness before slamming into something cold and hard. It takes her a moment to regain her breath and stand on weak legs. 

In front of her, Sindal stood with an impassive face. Her hand reached out to him. 

“Sindal?” Verdi called as she took a shaking step forward, only for the other medical officer stare at her with an unreadable look in his eye. She bit her lip, moving closer. 

“Sin… you’re scaring me. Say something, please?” The medic pleaded only to watch as he turned away from her and began to walk away. 

“Sindal! Wait!” She screamed and attempted to go after him, only for the ground beneath her to disappear. The medic screamed as she fell through darkness again, only for it to swallow her whole once more.

**Author's Note:**

> Yes, I left it on a cliff hanger. I will post what happens tomorrow as my feels are just sooo done. Also yes Verdi be my bisexual disaster gay. That is all.


End file.
